To the Man who Promised me Happily Ever After

I’m not happy. In fact, I am miserable. My heart is breaking more and more each day. I thought that in our marriage, I’d fall in love with you more as the days turned to weeks to months to years, but it’s the complete opposite. I am liking you less and less. I’ve lost pretty much all respect for you. I don’t even know how much longer I can tolerate you. 

Yes, you’re awesome in some ways. And at times you’re tentative, caring and thoughtful but more often than not you’re mean, rude, insulting, messy and demanding with a potty mouth. I hate that about you. You curse like a sailor. You curse at everyone with no regards to age or relation. You are a hypocrite. You are selfish and a liar. You constantly belittle me telling me just how useless and unproductive you think I am. You won’t let me go after my dreams or encourage me to realize and set goals. I must do what you think is worthwhile. You make fun of me letting me know just what you think of my past. And it isn’t anything good. You do not treat me like your wife who’s an equal but like a maid and a puppet whom you can cast aside at your leisure. 

You think that you’ve saved me from a meaningless life. You think you’ve given me purpose and reason. Well, you haven’t. My life was fine the way it was. I was single but I had friends and family who supported me through trials and triumphs. I had goals, I had potential, I had fun. I laughed wholeheartedly. I slept alone but didn’t cry myself to sleep most nights like I’ve been doing. I didn’t have a love interest but at least I had love in my life. 

Trouble in Paradise

This love was supposed to be perfect; my so called happily ever after but all it is is problem after problem, constant arguments and rare bittersweet moments. You always belittle me making me feel incompetent and stupid and not   capable of anything worthwhile. You insult me constantly. There’s a flaw in everything I say and do. You don’t approve of who I was before we got together and you’re demanding I mold into what’s acceptable to you. You’ve set rules and regulations making me a prisoner in my own home. I am no longer entitled to my own opinions, thoughts and/or feelings. I certainly am not allowed to express them. Should I disagree with you there’s a price to be paid. I am tired of biting my tongue while listening to your nonsense. I am questioning my love and resufor you. I have doubts. 

Blind Love Doesn’t Conquer All

It is said that love is blind 

And this blind love is all one needs

I’d have agreed with that in my younger years

Claiming to have had a love beyond measure 

But now I’m older and somewhat wiser

With numerous failures in this department 

And years of heartbreak 

I know that love is semi blind 

Picking and choosing what battles to fight 

What flaws to ignore

And what traits to attempt to change

Yes, love can be powerful and beyond measure 

Bringing compromise, peace and unity 

But with all its glory 

It is not all one needs

Love will not bring food to the table

Hunger will still be felt 

It will not pay the rent 

Landlord will still come knocking 

It might heal a wounded heart

But a doctor will not waive his fees

It might help you forgive 

But you will not forget the wrongs done against you 

It is cause for joy and celebration 

But it doesn’t stray far from pride, envy or jealousy 

Love makes us do stupid things, feeling invincible 

Love reassures us when there is reason for doubt

Love conquers battles but loses at wars

Love promises happily ever afters

But I haven’t seen one yet

Depression Hurts

I’ve been blessed in this life
Got great family

Parents and siblings that have stood by me through thick & thin

Friends that have been my shoulder to cry on one too many times

A husband that’s attentive and claims to love me

And the greatest blessing of all 

A beautiful baby boy that’s given purpose and meaning to this life of mine 

With so much good and reasons for happy

I wonder why I’m frowning more than I am smiling 

Love & Marriage (part 1)

If I were to be honest, I’d have to say that marriage isn’t completely as I expected it to be. And sometimes, after a really long day, I think that it’s more trouble than it’s worth. But only sometimes. That’s still bad though, I suppose.

I’ve learned that in marriage there are unwritten rules and regulations that don’t always apply to both parties involved. Also that compromise and compassion go a long way. And sometimes it’s best to just bite the tongue rather than speak the words that are floating in the mind.

Marriage is a partnership in which love alone will not survive for all of eternity. It requires respect, honor, trust, and a sense of self and belonging. It should allow room for growth and self development.  It is sacred and should be treated as such.

Prisoner in My Own Home

I used to think love would set me free
Marriage was promising
Vows said would forever be sacred
Ensuring a bond sure to last a lifetime
Happily ever after guaranteed
A soul mate would never disappoint
But now I see just how wrong I was
Blind in lust, affection and was it actually love?
I didn’t stop to think of possible outcome
What would be the consequences
Because of choices I was making
Now with a band on my finger
I ponder if I’ve made the right decisions
I love him; I wanna be far from him
I can’t imagine life without him
I want to run away
I am lost; I’ve been found
I have no voice
At least none that can be heard
My likes and hobbies matter no more
That which is of interest to me
Is something trivial and stupid for him
Life was good before
Is it better now
Or is it worse
‘Cause at times I’m feeling like
A prisoner in my own home.

Love at Last & its Side Effects

I must say that I was so naive back when I thought I was in love. Of course I’ve come to realize that my past affairs were not love but lust, infatuation, misguided trust, undeserved respect, faithfulness and time wasted on undeserving individuals. 

Now, being happily married (knock on wood), I see just what love is all about. I cannot imagine a life without my wonderful significant other. This man has brightened my days and lit up my nights with the stars that are in his eyes. He makes me grin ear to ear, laugh out loud, dream of greater things and desire to be someone better. With him by my side, I feel I can accomplish plenty and reach goals I set long ago. 

He is very compassionate, caring, attentive and a truly amazing human being. He’s dedicated, determined and just plain awesome. 

I feel blessed to have him as my life partner, father of the children we will some day have, and the man that I am going to share the rest of my days and nights with. 

I pray that we never part ways, we always have room to forgive one another’s error (because no one is perfect), and that we have many decades of wedded bliss; happy, healthy, together and always and forever in love with one another.