For such a long time all I thought of was you
You’d come to me at nights
In my dreams you’d tell me you’re always gonna be mine
I’d hold you tight, you’d love me through the night
Then at daylight you’d be gone
I’d wake up realizing I’m alone again.
My wish hadn’t come true
Still the distance between you and me remains
I think now I’m never gonna have your love again
You’ve left me so long ago
You’re not coming back
I gotta remind myself it’s better to let go
I gotta move on
Forget about all the yesterdays
‘Cause today you are not by my side
And tomorrow I’m still gonna be alone.
I wonder why it is that I go on a first date, everything seems to be going great (conversation, laughs, chemistry), there is or isn’t a kiss goodnight and that’s the end of the beginning. Never a follow up text or phone call. Never a second date. What is it that I am doing wrong? I’m not hideous looking, I’ve a sense of humor, I’m down to earth, I don’t ask for much nor do I expect the sun, stars and/or the moon on a silver platter. Maybe it’s because I’m reserved somewhat, or that I don’t pretend to be something I am not. Am I too honest? Or is it … a million and one other reasons why.
It wouldn’t bother me so much if the ‘men’ I’ve dated would have been direct and said something like ‘it’s you, not me’ or ‘you’re not pretty enough, rich enough, or good enough’. Instead I get a promise of a phone call and that we will definitely do this again and then he falls off the face of the earth. Why must it all be so complicated?
I guess maybe I’m doomed
There’s not going to be wedding bells ringing
No church to walk down its aisle
No wedded bliss
No honeymoon in Paris
No babies to hold, raise and realize dreams with
Guess I was just a tad bit excited
Thought that maybe you could be the one
I’d been nervous and excited
Was counting down ’til I’d get to see you
Face to face we’d decide whether we was gonna take another step or not
But I guess meet and greet is no longer gonna be
Better, I guess
You’d probably not even like me.
I’m told you’ve got a slight handicap
And thought that didn’t make me change my mind
I figured you the type that’s macho, cocky and into the runway model type
I wonder what’s gotten into you
Suddenly you’ve ignored my words
So I am left to assume that the things you said last night
Hold no weight
There’s no value, no truth
Nothing to prove your good intentions
So forgive me if I’m a no show tonight
I already feel foolish enough
I’m not showing up just to be stood up
I get the hint already
Rejections kicking in
It was nice while it lasted
The few minutes that it was
But time to pick myself up and carry on.
You’re a craving that’s never satisfied
You’re a wish that’s not been granted
You’re a heartache that’s killing me softly
You’re a tear, a break, a hole in my soul that’s never gonna mend
You’re poison and remedy in one
You’re the reason my soul’s hurting all the time
Unconditional, everlasting, without reservation or restriction
Honest, giving, thoughtful and
Marriage of convenience or a baby out of wedlock
Whatever will it be?
What’s the outcome of all the pain I’ve experienced
Will there be someone to wipe away tears that I cry
And fight away fears that keep me up at nights?
Or am doomed?
Destined to be single always
Disappointing over and over again?
(excerpt from my poem)
Ever feel like someone you’ve come across in life (whether an ex, a best friend, neighbor or colleague) would make the perfect companion? Or think that you’re destined for much more than what is now? Feel the absence of a child in your life and think that you’d make a great mom/dad? Does anything ever feel like it’s just meant to be? And if it is meant to be, will it be? People always say ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be’. And I’m one of those people. But what if in order for it to be, you must follow through with it; you must pursue it; you must fight for it? What if just leaving it to the fates is not good enough?