Taking into consideration the fact that I’m not getting any younger and that the hands on the clock are tick rocking at the speed of light, I’ve decided to give dating a real chance. The last five years I’ve been so observed in work, family and friends that I’ve not focused on me. I hardly dated (exception being the few lousy ones last year). So now that I’m willing to make an effort, I’ve met one guy (two dates…. No future). Then there is the guy who’s got the same name as my ex. According to him he’s got what I’m looking for. Plus more. And I think he just might. But I wonder will it be awkward that my next and ex (besides having me in common) share the same name? Maybe the new guy will help to erase memories of the old guy. Maybe… I mean it is just a name so…. Maybe it’s not that big a deal.
I personally think that love should be celebrated all day, every day and not just the one day that’s marked on a calendar. Which is why I had no problem canceling a date on Valentine’s Day when it became evident my date was going to involve a long drive (by me) and two scrambled eggs with toast (brunch). My opinion? Yeah, Valentine’s Day is great and all but there’s three hundred plus other days for you to show your love, care and concern.
Here’s some advice to this guy: find a way to drive the distance yourself. Get a damn car. Take the days off instead of expecting me to.
I mean if you love me so much then show the love everyday we are together. And if we aren’t official but you want us to be… make an effort to prove to me that you are worth my Saturday afternoon and my emotions. Send me flowers when it’s unexpected. Give me a handwritten card just because. Buy chocolates for us to share when we are on a casual date. Don’t give me flowers, chocolates and a teddy bear one day a year out of obligation. Instead be spontaneous, be romantic, be gentle and sweet.
So this guy I’ve gone out with a couple of times wants us to spend Valentine’s Day together and I’m hesitant because I don’t see a future for us. And I’d hate to lead him on or waste my or his time on something that’s headed towards a dead-end.
Yes, at first we had a connection and he was charming but then he got too possessive and too annoying. He calls and/or texts expecting me to answer right away. He’s not understanding that my job is more demanding than his and I cannot take time away from my desk to chit-chat with him. Nor can I have personal phone calls at the office.
He’s also very opinionated. There’s no room for adjustment or error with him. He expects me to miss him; to daydream about him; to want to spend days and nights with him. I don’t. When I tell him so he gets upset. I’m kind of afraid as to what his reaction might be when I say I don’t want us to date or even remain friends. But I must end this. For my sake as well as his.
If his stinky personality and bad attitude weren’t enough, he’s also very thrifty. I know money doesn’t buy love but…
He asked me what’s on my list of wants and so I text him 4 pictures (a Hublot watch, dollhouse and two pairs of shoes). His response ‘are these like super expensive?’ When I tell him I’m not sure of the prices, he answers ‘lets just plan out the trip.’ This trip he’s referring to is supposed to be my prize for winning at this game he came up with. And he expects me to not only split the costs associated with the trip but for me to drive the distance. And it must be on a weekday because he cannot/will not take a weekend off. So I have to give up two days of pay to make it convenient for him? Yeah, I don’t think so!
I should have known. I got my hopes up somewhat yet again. The guy I mentioned in my prior blog…? Yeah, I don’t think we are going to work out together.
For starters, he is too sensitive. More than me. And a guy shouldn’t be more sensitive than I am. I’m not being a sexist jerk but he’s asking me about feelings and emotions and why I don’t have an opinion on a kiss or a hug or a touch… and we’ve only been on two dates. I have no feelings to explore. I’ve no desire to spend the rest of my life with him. No desire to share deep, dark secrets with him now.
Second, he’s asking of too much from me. I have a full-time job. I start work at 6 am and by the time I am home it’s close to 3:30/4 in the afternoon. And in between those hours I am extremely busy at work doing a hundred and one things. I don’t have time for phone calls that last an hour. I also don’t have time to text constantly. Yet, he demands my time constantly. Just ’cause you’ve got a job behind a cash register and can be on the phone all day, doesn’t mean I can. No fence intended to cashiers anywhere. I’m just saying I’ve more responsibility and superiors to answer to at work than he does.
Third problem? Somehow the photos of him and his ex on Facebook came up and he said to me something like let’s see where you and I go before I do or do not delete those pictures. I’m sorry… what?
And he was upset I hadn’t told my best friends or my family about him yet. There’s really nothing to tell. We’ve had 1 dinner at a restaurant and 1 take out meal together. What do I tell them? That this guys I’ve been on a date with twice might or might not be Mr. Right? But really he’s not.
Ohhh, I almost forgot. He wants to know everything I do. Where I go, what I buy, how much I earn and spend. And then there is the why. Boy… you are not even close to becoming my boyfriend much less my husband, and you want all these details? No, thank you! I like my freedom. I don’t even get these questions from my family so why should I tell him? This is my business and mine alone.
He’s cheap also. I mentioned I wanted to go to San Diego for a weekend and he decided it should be Valentine’s weekend and he’d be joining me. Asking what my budget was for the trip, he offered to maybe split the cost. If we did, we couldn’t get an upscale place because he doesn’t have or want to spend much. And being that it’s Valentine’s weekend, hotels would be pricey anyway. His take was as long as we weren’t at a roach motel we could be anywhere cheap. Mmmm… no, it doesn’t work this way. If you intend to seduce me then you damn well better be the one to wine and dine. Not the other way around.
If I made a chart of the pros and cons of dating this guy… the cons would definitely weigh in more. I cannot imagine taking him home to meet the parents or having guests over at a house I share with him. More important probably is that I do not see us having and raising children together. We have different takes on many things such as naming a child, discipline and upbringing. And he won’t even allow me to have a say in naming our boys if we were to have any together. Yes, this is definitely not going to work. I’d have to sacrifice my friends and family. He would never fit in. He’d probably not make much of an effort though because he is too sure of himself and too proud.
Yup… because of such disappointments, in my head it’s better to just be single. But my heart… it wants what it craves… unconditional and everlasting love. Maybe some day soon it shall have its desire. A wish will be granted and I too will be lucky in love. Maybe after all this drama and turmoil, I will be blessed with the greatest love in a long, long time.