Dear Diary

I don’t know what to do so that in the long run I don’t come to regret my decision.  I have the chance at a happily ever after. A slight chance.  But there’s also the chance that this could blow up in my face due to discrepancies and irreconcilable differences.  So do I take the chance to be happy or do I give in to this fear deep in my heart and not even bother with a bit of smiles and laughter?  I want to be happy.  I want to love.  I want to be loved.  But I don’t know what’s the right step to take.  My heart is so sad and though it longs for a fairy tale love story it doesn’t want to have hope.  Because my heart could very well break once again.  

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Dearest Young Love,

I try so hard to figure out exactly what it is I feel for you yet I’m sorry confused. I don’t know if it’s infatuation,  lust, like or love.  I should hope that I’m in the process of learning to love you.  For your sake I hope that’s the case.  That is if you’re being honest with me and you really truly do love me.  But if you are lying to me in hopes of getting something out of me, then I hope I never love you.  I hope I never grow too fond of you so that when the time comes to let you go my heart doesn’t break.  

If you do indeed love me and I come to love you wholeheartedly then we are going to have trouble.  Only about 3 people will accept you as my chosen life partner. Everyone else is going to hate on us.  We’re gonna have so much dilemma.   But you say you love me so you should be prepared to go to any battle and to win it so that you and I can be together.   I mean that is what you said isn’t it?  So I wait for you to give me the faith, courage and love you say you have for me.  So that I too can go to battle.  If we are to be then I shall meet you half way. 

Cougar Status: Worth the Love? 

If there is the possibility of love, but with a younger man, shall I take the chance and allow for the heart to lead? Or should I run in the opposite direction?  I don’t want to believe in a happily ever after, especially due to his age, but I also want to be in love and to be loved.  So can I get past the years between us?  Would our family and friends?  

I’ve been keeping the walls surrounding my heart up.  I’ve been careful when it comes topppthose who trespass.  And it’s done me well because I’ve not cried another river in a while.  Yes, I’ve been disappointed but not heartbroken again.  And that’s how I prefer to be. Past wounds have still not healed completely.  I’ve not forgotten the hurt either.  

So now I’ve got someone I like.  Only thing not great about this potential? He’s younger.  But if actions speak louder, then he’s certainly older than his age.