With all the advances in modern technology, science and changes in people’s mentality one might think that being single at age 30 plus is not such a taboo anymore. But nope; it’s still frowned upon. Most especially when there have been two marriage prospects and neither lasted long enough for a walk down the aisle.
I admit I got lazy and haven’t really put myself out there and available since my last engagement ended, but what’s a girl to do? Advertise for love? Yeah, kind of tried that too and it’s not worked. So you might say then that the problem is with me… and yes I’ve got flaws. Who doesn’t? Maybe I am part of the problem. But I am NOT the only problem.
I fall too easy. I compromise. I settle. I make excuses for the lousy behavior of my significant other. I give, give, give and hardly ever take. I am a doormat. I’m a pushover.
On the other hand…
I’m loyal and give wholeheartedly. I love without reservation and with no conditions set forth. I do my best to please. I listen. I help whenever I can. I provide emotional support. I turn a blind eye to many things. I don’t expect to change a man just as I know it be hard to change my ways.
In any case, whatever I happen to be, sometimes I question whether marriage is in my future or not. I do want to have kids someday and I don’t see myself being a mom without first being a wife. But what if the stars never align as they should and I don’t get to find my soul mate? What if I grow old and gray all by myself? Would that make me a bitter person? Definitely not a crazy cat lady ’cause I don’t like cats, but still… Would I come to resent love birds because I don’t have a warm nest of my own? Geez, I surely hope not.
Whatever the future holds for me, I am going to share it here on this blog. I figure I am not the only person fighting an inner battle because of obstacles or bad decisions. I lost out on my second love because I was too afraid to speak up. I let someone who had no right to our story dictate our lives and destroy our happiness. And now I am dearly paying for it. I learned the hard way, that when it is love that is found, one should NEVER let go for the sake of something cowardly and unworthy. I hope that soon, I will have the chance to love again and to have that love returned. I thought I would not be able to love again, but I know in my broken and somewhat mended heart, I’ve got so much more to give. If only my husband to be would just present himself.