You ask me why did I get married. Well, let me answer that question for you. I married you believing us to be a great couple, thinking we’d live happily ever after. I knew then that you didn’t love me; how could you… You had only seen me 3-4 times and hadn’t spent more than few hours with me. When you brought up marriage I thought you’re crazy. I knew we wouldn’t work because we are very different people. You convinced me otherwise. And I put aside my doubts and logic and married you. No matter what you might think, I married you thinking we’d be getting along better than we are now. I did everything to make you happy, to please you, to show that I love, care and respect you. You’ve done everything to show that you don’t.
I think that my unhappy marriage is coming close to its end. My husband and I just had another argument. Although I don’t know if it’s an actual argument when only one person is doing all the talking. And by talking I mean insulting, threatening and other B.S. like that.
He says I don’t know the meaning of family and asks me why’d I get married if I’m not with him in all his decisions. Well, what if that decision is not a good or right one? Besides, I thought marriage was a partnership where you share your thoughts, discuss possibilities and come to an agreement t together. A marriage isn’t where the husband dictates and the wife cowardly accepts just because she’s a woman.
To answer my husband’s question as to why I got married… I envisioned a different kind of life for us. One where we’d be happy. Yeah, there would be disagreements but minor ones. And not every other day. I wouldn’t be treated like a servant who is not allowed to express her opinions or feelings. I would be able to visit family and friends as I’d like (with his knowledge of course) instead of not being allowed to visit even my mom except for when he says so. And under his supervision. I wouldn’t be put down everyday. He’d not tell me what to wear, eat, cook, read; when I can have friends over, watch TV, do grocery shopping, how much I spend and on what, etc. He wouldn’t be the one to decide on what career I should have and what salary. He’d not take my paycheck away from me and give me a petty allowance. He wouldn’t belittle me all the time. He would love me. Respect me. Actually give a damn about me. And not want to lose me. But it isn’t like that. He doesn’t care if I walk out the door. So I will.
To be somewhat of an ideal to my husband, I’d not only abide by his rules, but that of his parents too. I would never question his judgment, give ideas or share feelings. I would have had savings in the 100s of thousands that he’d be allowed to dive into for whatever he sees fit. I’d have a house and car already paid off. I’d have a college degree, a business that brings in 6 figure income and a beautiful face and body. I don’t think I’m ugly, but my husband doesn’t think me pretty. I wouldn’t have a problem with his drinking or smoking (he said he did neither when we me but he’s become an alcoholic. Hand him a box of cigarettes he won’t rest ’til its all smoked and done).
He demands that I ask his sister what to feed my baby and when. Since I don’t care for her instructions it is another fight. I might get bumped on the head yet again. It doesn’t stop and its not getting better. I’ve known him 2 years plus; we’ve been married a year and 7 months and in all those days we’ve only had like a total of a week where it is genuine smiles and laughter and happiness. Although, I don’t think he was ever happy with me just as I haven’t been for a long ling time.
I wish I had known you weren’t Mr. Right
I wish I hadn’t believed your stupid lies
I wish I had enough inner strength to stand up for me
I wish I had enough self esteem to believe in me
To realize I’m worth more than just bittersweet memories, broken promises and ok days
I want to live in color ’cause all isn’t just black or white
I want to dream because it might just one day be true
I want to laugh wholeheartedly
And be able to love you unconditionally
I must say that I was so naive back when I thought I was in love. Of course I’ve come to realize that my past affairs were not love but lust, infatuation, misguided trust, undeserved respect, faithfulness and time wasted on undeserving individuals.
Now, being happily married (knock on wood), I see just what love is all about. I cannot imagine a life without my wonderful significant other. This man has brightened my days and lit up my nights with the stars that are in his eyes. He makes me grin ear to ear, laugh out loud, dream of greater things and desire to be someone better. With him by my side, I feel I can accomplish plenty and reach goals I set long ago.
He is very compassionate, caring, attentive and a truly amazing human being. He’s dedicated, determined and just plain awesome.
I feel blessed to have him as my life partner, father of the children we will some day have, and the man that I am going to share the rest of my days and nights with.
I pray that we never part ways, we always have room to forgive one another’s error (because no one is perfect), and that we have many decades of wedded bliss; happy, healthy, together and always and forever in love with one another.
I’ve missed you terribly. You’re all I think about. I wish I could hold you, hug you and taste your sweet kisses again. Yet you are 1000s of miles away and the distance is too much to bear at times. I love you with all my heart. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my days, months, years, whatever it might be, with you. You have brightened my days, given me new hopes, dreams and a purpose. You’ve mended my broken heart. You’ve loved me with no hesitation, expectation or indication of wanting more than I can give. I cannot wait until you and I are once again united. A lifetime spent in the comfort of your warm embrace, your heart being my nestling place, is exactly where I want to be.
Love Now and Forever,
Through numerous trials, heartache and tons of tears I’d lost all hope of everlasting and true love. But now (knock on wood) I’ve finally found the one that makes this life worth living, myself feel appreciated and the world much more beautiful. I’m at the beginning stages of my soon to be happily ever after. It’s going to be the tough I know. It’s going to take much effort, hard work and dedication not because we like to argue or anything like that but because he and I are both going to start from the bottom up together. Maybe that’s good. We are going to get to the top together. Start out with nothing and work our way towards somethings amazing. And when we have accomplished greatness, we will appreciate it more. Here’s to our success and a lifetime of happiness, love, greatness and being healthy.