The Truth about Marriage (part 1)

I knew that a marriage isn’t necessarily wedded bliss and that there’s a chance (big or small) that happily ever after isn’t guarantee and/or achieved but I still had hopes.  Hopes that my marriage would defy the odds, we would be perfect and that we would never bicker, argue, disagree or share mean/dirty looks.  I’m sorry to say that there have been moments when I’ve been upset with my significant other; times when I’ve wanted to cry and run away from my better half and instances where I’ve wondered where the sudden change in the man I’ve promised to love, honor and cherish for forever and always came from.  I love him still; don’t get me wrong.  I love being with him and I love that we’ve for the rest of our lives together in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.  Yet, sometimes, I’m not liking the ‘for worse’ parts.
Before I got married people would tell me that I’m missing out on so much.  It’s wonderful to have someone to come home to, someone to cuddle with at nights, someone to share hopes and dreams with, to turn a house or apartment into a home, to have children, grow old and grey together.

 

Love Letter

My Love, 

I’ve missed you terribly. You’re all I think about. I wish I could hold you, hug you and taste your sweet kisses again. Yet you are 1000s of miles away and the distance is too much to bear at times. I love you with all my heart. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my days, months, years, whatever it might be, with you. You have brightened my days, given me new hopes, dreams and a purpose. You’ve mended my broken heart. You’ve loved me with no hesitation, expectation or indication of wanting more than I can give. I cannot wait until you and I are once again united. A lifetime spent in the comfort of your warm embrace, your heart being my nestling place, is exactly where I want to be. 

Love Now and Forever, 

💖💖💖

Wedding Planning Dilemma 

So I’m super excited about my upcoming wedding and even though it’s a financial struggle, I’m still hoping that by some miracle my fiancé and I are able to have the wedding of our dreams. Well, probably won’t be the wedding of our dreams, but as close to it as possible.  The bumps along the way are not so much due to the financial burdens but people burdens.  

I’ve got a self nominated best man and maid of honor, bridesmaids that are not of my choosing, traditions I don’t care to uphold and a guest list that’s way too long for my liking. 

Weddings are supposed to be an amazing and memorable once in a lifetime event. The planning is supposed to be fun, adventurous and full of laughter and smiles.  There should be tears of joy and dress fittings with my best friends. For me, however, it’s tears of frustration and sorrow; constant betrayal by those who are supposed to love me and backstabbing by those who claim to want what’s best for me.  

There’s 1 month and 1 week left until my wedding day and instead of filling the days with wedding things a bride-to-be should be doing while enjoying every moment of it, I’m wasting minutes, hours, days (that have turned into weeks) trying to please everyone. People that didn’t ask my opinion or seek an approval about their wedding plans are expecting me to do as they say with no questions asked. 

I get sad and then I get mad. I’m going out of my mind. Enough so that I just wanna disappear. And I’m dreading the actual wedding. And it’s not fair. So without intending to offend anyone or pull a bridezilla… This is my wedding. I’m the bride. I am paying for this wedding along with my fiancé. If I’m not mistaken, it should be our choice what/who we want and how we want it. The colors, dress, shoes, hair/make-up, flowers and everything else pertaining to all aspects of a wedding are up for not only a discussion but debate as well. And it’s a debate I’m bound to lose. Because I’m a softy at heart; because I’d hate to make someone cry; because I hate it when there’s conflicts… I’m going to probably move to the side and watch my wedding be planned as I don’t see it fit. And on the day of, I will cry. My heart will break. My mood will be gloomy and cranky. I will not enjoy any moment of my wedding. I will regret the fact that decisions weren’t mine. I will hate myself more. 

This makes me wanna cry. Correction… This is making me cry.  And again, these are tears of despair not joy.  

Yup, I can definitely understand the decision to elope. Maybe… Just maybe that’s what we’ll do. But I couldn’t be a jerk to my fiancé. He deserves a nice happy wedding. Once in a lifetime awesome wedding. He’s looking forward to it as much as I am if not more. 

And I want a wedding. I want the dress, the shoes, some of the traditions… I have been dreaming of my wedding for so long… I don’t want anything or anyone to ruin it. But I think it’s too late already. I sure hope that’s not the case. 

Countdown to Wedded Bliss

With less than 2 months to go, I’m getting real anxious yet at the same time really excited about my upcoming wedding. I’m stuck on the color and the theme, haven’t found the perfect dress yet, and am going crazy when calculating expenses. We are definitely over budget. How do I have an awesome once in a lifetime day without going coo-koo or sacrificing too much? 

My Dearest,

Though it’s not too long since we’ve met, you’ve crept into my heart early on and will remain there forever and always. You are amazing and wonderful and loving and caring. And I couldn’t be happier than I am when with you. Because I have you, I look forward to a life full of pleasant surprises and happy memories. You are my rock, my support, my desire, my reason and purpose. I love you. With all my heart. And I thank you for putting back together the shattered pieces of my heart.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

So freakin’ true. This thousands of miles between me and my fiancé is driving me nuts. There are moments when the distance is bearable but most times it’s not. We aren’t even on the same timeline. When he’s asleep I’m awake missing him, when I’m asleep he’s awake thinking of me. The very short hours in between we talk, text or Skype but that’s not really enough. I need him here. I need him close by. I’d like us to be able to go out together or even stay in. Just to be able to have a sit down dinner together. To be able to comfort, laugh and tease in person and not behind a computer or cell screen. 

With all my heart I hope it is sooner rather than later that he and I will be on the same side of the ocean. We will be together holding hands and maybe out to lunch gazing at the beautiful sky and the deep blue waters that have kept us apart for so long.

Love at Last

Through numerous trials, heartache and tons of tears I’d lost all hope of everlasting and true love.  But now (knock on wood) I’ve finally found the  one that makes this life worth living, myself feel appreciated and the world much more beautiful. I’m at the beginning stages of my soon to be happily ever after.  It’s going to be the tough I know. It’s going to take much effort, hard work and dedication not because we like to argue or anything like that but because he and I are both going to start from the bottom up together. Maybe that’s good. We are going to get to the top together. Start out with nothing and work our way towards somethings amazing. And when we have accomplished greatness, we will appreciate it more. Here’s to our success and a lifetime of happiness, love, greatness and being healthy.