Back in 2015 when my soon to be ex and I got engaaged, it never crossed my mind that we’d get married, have a kid then get a divorce over some trivial and some major differences or issues. We had a good, bad and ugly two plus years together. The best was the birth of our son. And now through all this difficult times it is my son that gives me hope, willpower and courage to face another day.
I hope that someday my husband will realize that I never betrayed him, I didn’t get him arrested and that though not at first, eventually he became the reason my heart was beating. I loved him more than I thought I would. And this divorce and all the drama around it is breaking my heart on a daily basis. His mean words still hurt me. There are cuts so deep that they might never heal.
He thinks I demanded a divorce because I never wanted to be married in the first place. No, I asked for divorce because the thought of my husband thinking me to be stupid, ugly, without talent, unsupportive and useless among other things was too much to bear. I cried myself to sleep plenty of nights. His mother was mean and rude and apparently not happy about my and her son’s marriage. I had no love or respect in my own home. I felt out of place, unwanted and a waste of human life. I didn’t feel good about myself ever. I hated the persin I saw when looking in the mirror. I couldn’t tolerate another night of feeling undesired and impotent.
I love my husband. Even though there is so much heartache and pain caused by him, I still love him. People I know would say I am stupid if I ever were to get back with him. Nobody wants me and him to be together again. He doesn’t wa t us together again. But we have history. We have a child. A child whom we both love and adore more than anyone and anything else in this world.