Blind Love Doesn’t Conquer All

It is said that love is blind 

And this blind love is all one needs

I’d have agreed with that in my younger years

Claiming to have had a love beyond measure 

But now I’m older and somewhat wiser

With numerous failures in this department 

And years of heartbreak 

I know that love is semi blind 

Picking and choosing what battles to fight 

What flaws to ignore

And what traits to attempt to change

Yes, love can be powerful and beyond measure 

Bringing compromise, peace and unity 

But with all its glory 

It is not all one needs

Love will not bring food to the table

Hunger will still be felt 

It will not pay the rent 

Landlord will still come knocking 

It might heal a wounded heart

But a doctor will not waive his fees

It might help you forgive 

But you will not forget the wrongs done against you 

It is cause for joy and celebration 

But it doesn’t stray far from pride, envy or jealousy 

Love makes us do stupid things, feeling invincible 

Love reassures us when there is reason for doubt

Love conquers battles but loses at wars

Love promises happily ever afters

But I haven’t seen one yet

Love & Marriage (part 1)

If I were to be honest, I’d have to say that marriage isn’t completely as I expected it to be. And sometimes, after a really long day, I think that it’s more trouble than it’s worth. But only sometimes. That’s still bad though, I suppose.

I’ve learned that in marriage there are unwritten rules and regulations that don’t always apply to both parties involved. Also that compromise and compassion go a long way. And sometimes it’s best to just bite the tongue rather than speak the words that are floating in the mind.

Marriage is a partnership in which love alone will not survive for all of eternity. It requires respect, honor, trust, and a sense of self and belonging. It should allow room for growth and self development.  It is sacred and should be treated as such.

Prisoner in My Own Home

I used to think love would set me free
Marriage was promising
Vows said would forever be sacred
Ensuring a bond sure to last a lifetime
Happily ever after guaranteed
A soul mate would never disappoint
But now I see just how wrong I was
Blind in lust, affection and was it actually love?
I didn’t stop to think of possible outcome
What would be the consequences
Because of choices I was making
Now with a band on my finger
I ponder if I’ve made the right decisions
I love him; I wanna be far from him
I can’t imagine life without him
I want to run away
I am lost; I’ve been found
I have no voice
At least none that can be heard
My likes and hobbies matter no more
That which is of interest to me
Is something trivial and stupid for him
Life was good before
Is it better now
Or is it worse
‘Cause at times I’m feeling like
A prisoner in my own home.

Love at Last & its Side Effects

I must say that I was so naive back when I thought I was in love. Of course I’ve come to realize that my past affairs were not love but lust, infatuation, misguided trust, undeserved respect, faithfulness and time wasted on undeserving individuals. 

Now, being happily married (knock on wood), I see just what love is all about. I cannot imagine a life without my wonderful significant other. This man has brightened my days and lit up my nights with the stars that are in his eyes. He makes me grin ear to ear, laugh out loud, dream of greater things and desire to be someone better. With him by my side, I feel I can accomplish plenty and reach goals I set long ago. 

He is very compassionate, caring, attentive and a truly amazing human being. He’s dedicated, determined and just plain awesome. 

I feel blessed to have him as my life partner, father of the children we will some day have, and the man that I am going to share the rest of my days and nights with. 

I pray that we never part ways, we always have room to forgive one another’s error (because no one is perfect), and that we have many decades of wedded bliss; happy, healthy, together and always and forever in love with one another.

Wedding Planning Dilemma 

So I’m super excited about my upcoming wedding and even though it’s a financial struggle, I’m still hoping that by some miracle my fiancé and I are able to have the wedding of our dreams. Well, probably won’t be the wedding of our dreams, but as close to it as possible.  The bumps along the way are not so much due to the financial burdens but people burdens.  

I’ve got a self nominated best man and maid of honor, bridesmaids that are not of my choosing, traditions I don’t care to uphold and a guest list that’s way too long for my liking. 

Weddings are supposed to be an amazing and memorable once in a lifetime event. The planning is supposed to be fun, adventurous and full of laughter and smiles.  There should be tears of joy and dress fittings with my best friends. For me, however, it’s tears of frustration and sorrow; constant betrayal by those who are supposed to love me and backstabbing by those who claim to want what’s best for me.  

There’s 1 month and 1 week left until my wedding day and instead of filling the days with wedding things a bride-to-be should be doing while enjoying every moment of it, I’m wasting minutes, hours, days (that have turned into weeks) trying to please everyone. People that didn’t ask my opinion or seek an approval about their wedding plans are expecting me to do as they say with no questions asked. 

I get sad and then I get mad. I’m going out of my mind. Enough so that I just wanna disappear. And I’m dreading the actual wedding. And it’s not fair. So without intending to offend anyone or pull a bridezilla… This is my wedding. I’m the bride. I am paying for this wedding along with my fiancé. If I’m not mistaken, it should be our choice what/who we want and how we want it. The colors, dress, shoes, hair/make-up, flowers and everything else pertaining to all aspects of a wedding are up for not only a discussion but debate as well. And it’s a debate I’m bound to lose. Because I’m a softy at heart; because I’d hate to make someone cry; because I hate it when there’s conflicts… I’m going to probably move to the side and watch my wedding be planned as I don’t see it fit. And on the day of, I will cry. My heart will break. My mood will be gloomy and cranky. I will not enjoy any moment of my wedding. I will regret the fact that decisions weren’t mine. I will hate myself more. 

This makes me wanna cry. Correction… This is making me cry.  And again, these are tears of despair not joy.  

Yup, I can definitely understand the decision to elope. Maybe… Just maybe that’s what we’ll do. But I couldn’t be a jerk to my fiancé. He deserves a nice happy wedding. Once in a lifetime awesome wedding. He’s looking forward to it as much as I am if not more. 

And I want a wedding. I want the dress, the shoes, some of the traditions… I have been dreaming of my wedding for so long… I don’t want anything or anyone to ruin it. But I think it’s too late already. I sure hope that’s not the case. 

Countdown to Wedded Bliss

With less than 2 months to go, I’m getting real anxious yet at the same time really excited about my upcoming wedding. I’m stuck on the color and the theme, haven’t found the perfect dress yet, and am going crazy when calculating expenses. We are definitely over budget. How do I have an awesome once in a lifetime day without going coo-koo or sacrificing too much? 

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

So freakin’ true. This thousands of miles between me and my fiancé is driving me nuts. There are moments when the distance is bearable but most times it’s not. We aren’t even on the same timeline. When he’s asleep I’m awake missing him, when I’m asleep he’s awake thinking of me. The very short hours in between we talk, text or Skype but that’s not really enough. I need him here. I need him close by. I’d like us to be able to go out together or even stay in. Just to be able to have a sit down dinner together. To be able to comfort, laugh and tease in person and not behind a computer or cell screen. 

With all my heart I hope it is sooner rather than later that he and I will be on the same side of the ocean. We will be together holding hands and maybe out to lunch gazing at the beautiful sky and the deep blue waters that have kept us apart for so long.