I miss my husband. Everyone says I’m better off without him and I better not take him back. I say I’m not planning on it but damn it I miss him. I don’t want to be divorced; i dont want to grow old and gray without the man i promised to love, honor and cherish for always by my side. Until recently he was asking me to move in with him and for us to be together again. Of course his reasoning and logic was different than mine but still. Now he doesn’t even suggest such a thing. He doesn’t want to be with me anyone. I think he got used to being without me. This month apart did us more harm than good. I was hoping he’d realize that he needs me by his side and that he’d start to accept and admit his faults and that of his parents but I think hes still seeing just mine.
There’s plenty of reasons for me and him to not get back together. No one wants us back together. I think I’m the only one. And my baby of course. But still I think that’s not enough. I had hoped separation would do us good. We’d both get some space, clear our heads and miss one another. Realize each other’s worth. I know that I’ve flaws and faults. He does too. Somehow when he talks about my screw ups they seem to big and in comparison what hes said and done he makes seem trivial.
In this month I realized I do love him more than I’ve admitted or realized before. I also need him to be by my side as more than just my baby’s dad with visitation rights. I want him to remain my husband. I want him to love me wholeheartedly. For him to need me, miss me, care for me. I dont want to be a burden or obligation for him. I want to be someone he cannot live without not someone he can just make do with.
I’m afraid it’s too late for us. We’ve both screwed up.one too many times. We’ve hurt each other too much.