A Love Affair 

Sometimes I wonder if we was right in getting married

Did our hearts really call out to one another

Is my soul his mate and his mine

Or did we improvise 

Are we just a compromise? 

I’d like to think that our love is true

Wait, was love even there when we said ‘I Do’?

I’d hate to admit it but I doubt that be the case

There were no butterflies 

No tears of joy, uncontrollable laughter or happy smiles

I was anxious, nervous with worry and stressing 

A wedding day shouldn’t be a burden, should it? 

I’m too old to believe in fairy tales 

But I always dreamed I’d find true romance 

Never saw myself going to bed angry or waking up even angrier

Thought the man that was constantly in my bed would also be residing in my heart

And maybe he is 

Unknown to me he’s got the key to my heart

But it’s been a bumpy road since day one 

Maybe that’s why I’m not feeling anything at all

I want hugs and kisses, pleasant surprises, a compliment or two 

Instead I get complaints, insults and comparisons 

I’m no good at this, even worse at that

I’m not inspired, motivated or desired 

I doubt I can last long like this

My heart is breaking and hurting 

My soul is dying 

I’m wanting to fix this thing that’s broken between us 

I want to fall desperately in love

I’m wanting a love affair 

One where I’m super close to losing my mind 

And I want it all with the man I married 

I want this affair to be with this husband of mine. 

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Depression Hurts

I’ve been blessed in this life
Got great family

Parents and siblings that have stood by me through thick & thin

Friends that have been my shoulder to cry on one too many times

A husband that’s attentive and claims to love me

And the greatest blessing of all 

A beautiful baby boy that’s given purpose and meaning to this life of mine 

With so much good and reasons for happy

I wonder why I’m frowning more than I am smiling 

Fluttering Heart

You made me smile big when my  usual was a frown

Laugh out loud when all I felt like doing was cry

You made it so easy for me to once more believe 

Dreams I’d tucked away and forgotten about seemed within reach.

You picked me up when I was down 

High above you took me; higher than I’d been in so long 

You awakened within a deeper kind of love

A different kind of desire

A need to belong to not just anyone. 

You’ve caused a turmoil in my heart and my mind

My mind says to steer clear 

It’s got warnings that you’ll hurt me

Leave me broken to never heal

Knowing my heart can’t take another break.

But my fluttering heart is ignoring the plea

Choosing to go unwisely taking whatever path leads to you

It misses you like crazy

It’s calling out to you; it wants you

And with or without you 

It’s gonna continue to flutter for you.  

Not Interested

the poem below is dedicated a guy who claims to be a strong believer in God and the Bible, but drinks, swears, lived with a women he wasn’t married to and is very judgmental among other things.  Apparently, I am every bit of the woman he has hoped to find, but mmm… no thank you.  Anyway… hope you enjoy reading the poem.  And I know it doesn’t follow grammer or correct spelling.  It’s just how the mood was when it was written.

So many praises that uve given me
So many times uve said I m more than ud hope 2 find
But then @ times
There’s so many flaws that u c in me
Telling me I’m not capable of accepting nething different
than what I have known 4 so long
But isn’t it also that u wnt accept that which I believe?
U say u like me plenty
And then u say u luv me
U say u wish u cud have me
That ud do nething 2 make me happy
But the thing that matter to me
D things I celebrate n enjoy
R the things that u have done w/out 4 so long
And somehow u & me jst do nothing but clash
Yes mayb ud make me somewhat happy
And mayb u’d b able 2 support me
Maybe we’d have a nice car, decent pay & a house to call home
But I want kids 2 fill d house w/love I want Xmas tree to pick out & decorate
I want birthday cake, candles & wishes 2 b made
I believe in miracles & wishing on a star & good 4tune as well
But those things u view as being against the Mighty One
And I just cudnt give up I cudnt pretend
I cudnt live a lie not even 4 love
That might b once in a lifetime.

Rejection

I guess maybe I’m doomed
There’s not going to be wedding bells ringing
No church to walk down its aisle
No wedded bliss
No honeymoon in Paris
No babies to hold, raise and realize dreams with
Guess I was just a tad bit excited
Thought that maybe you could be the one
I’d been nervous and excited
Was counting down ’til I’d get to see you
Face to face we’d decide whether we was gonna take another step or not
But I guess meet and greet is no longer gonna be
Better, I guess
You’d probably not even like me.
I’m told you’ve got a slight handicap
And thought that didn’t make me change my mind
I figured you the type that’s macho, cocky and into the runway model type
I wonder what’s gotten into you
Suddenly you’ve ignored my words
So I am left to assume that the things you said last night
Hold no weight
There’s no value, no truth
Nothing to prove your good intentions
So forgive me if I’m a no show tonight
I already feel foolish enough
I’m not showing up just to be stood up
I get the hint already
Rejections kicking in
It was nice while it lasted
The few minutes that it was
But time to pick myself up and carry on.