Depression Hurts

I’ve been blessed in this life
Got great family

Parents and siblings that have stood by me through thick & thin

Friends that have been my shoulder to cry on one too many times

A husband that’s attentive and claims to love me

And the greatest blessing of all 

A beautiful baby boy that’s given purpose and meaning to this life of mine 

With so much good and reasons for happy

I wonder why I’m frowning more than I am smiling 

Fluttering Heart

You made me smile big when my  usual was a frown

Laugh out loud when all I felt like doing was cry

You made it so easy for me to once more believe 

Dreams I’d tucked away and forgotten about seemed within reach.

You picked me up when I was down 

High above you took me; higher than I’d been in so long 

You awakened within a deeper kind of love

A different kind of desire

A need to belong to not just anyone. 

You’ve caused a turmoil in my heart and my mind

My mind says to steer clear 

It’s got warnings that you’ll hurt me

Leave me broken to never heal

Knowing my heart can’t take another break.

But my fluttering heart is ignoring the plea

Choosing to go unwisely taking whatever path leads to you

It misses you like crazy

It’s calling out to you; it wants you

And with or without you 

It’s gonna continue to flutter for you.  

Not Interested

the poem below is dedicated a guy who claims to be a strong believer in God and the Bible, but drinks, swears, lived with a women he wasn’t married to and is very judgmental among other things.  Apparently, I am every bit of the woman he has hoped to find, but mmm… no thank you.  Anyway… hope you enjoy reading the poem.  And I know it doesn’t follow grammer or correct spelling.  It’s just how the mood was when it was written.

So many praises that uve given me
So many times uve said I m more than ud hope 2 find
But then @ times
There’s so many flaws that u c in me
Telling me I’m not capable of accepting nething different
than what I have known 4 so long
But isn’t it also that u wnt accept that which I believe?
U say u like me plenty
And then u say u luv me
U say u wish u cud have me
That ud do nething 2 make me happy
But the thing that matter to me
D things I celebrate n enjoy
R the things that u have done w/out 4 so long
And somehow u & me jst do nothing but clash
Yes mayb ud make me somewhat happy
And mayb u’d b able 2 support me
Maybe we’d have a nice car, decent pay & a house to call home
But I want kids 2 fill d house w/love I want Xmas tree to pick out & decorate
I want birthday cake, candles & wishes 2 b made
I believe in miracles & wishing on a star & good 4tune as well
But those things u view as being against the Mighty One
And I just cudnt give up I cudnt pretend
I cudnt live a lie not even 4 love
That might b once in a lifetime.

Rejection

I guess maybe I’m doomed
There’s not going to be wedding bells ringing
No church to walk down its aisle
No wedded bliss
No honeymoon in Paris
No babies to hold, raise and realize dreams with
Guess I was just a tad bit excited
Thought that maybe you could be the one
I’d been nervous and excited
Was counting down ’til I’d get to see you
Face to face we’d decide whether we was gonna take another step or not
But I guess meet and greet is no longer gonna be
Better, I guess
You’d probably not even like me.
I’m told you’ve got a slight handicap
And thought that didn’t make me change my mind
I figured you the type that’s macho, cocky and into the runway model type
I wonder what’s gotten into you
Suddenly you’ve ignored my words
So I am left to assume that the things you said last night
Hold no weight
There’s no value, no truth
Nothing to prove your good intentions
So forgive me if I’m a no show tonight
I already feel foolish enough
I’m not showing up just to be stood up
I get the hint already
Rejections kicking in
It was nice while it lasted
The few minutes that it was
But time to pick myself up and carry on.